This morning I awoke to your picture in my head. With it was a since of urgency and desperation. As we move through the adoption process there are swells of emotion that move in and out like the tide. One day you feel completely at peace, the next you feel helpless to change the slow progress. Each day brings new hope, each evening brings new disappointment. Since our paperwork reached the Philippines in November, every morning the first thought I have when I wake is, "maybe today will be the day". So far each night I go to bed with the hope, "maybe tomorrow". Then you hit Fridays (Saturday there) and realize that it will be at least Monday before any word could come.
Up and down the tide of emotion comes. One moment you feel that you are in a large ship easily moving through smooth water. The next it feels as if you are in a dingy with 50 ft swells. None of it stems from hopelessness, but rather a sense that you are our daughter and we hate waiting to get to you. Governments seek to protect you, to make sure we are a right match, but all of that means more time to wait. You don't even know we are out here waiting yet. Rightly so. They would not want to get your hopes up until they know we are coming to get you.
Today as I sit at my desk trying desperately to grasp any thought that will help me work. My mind is filled with excitement, hope, and frustration. In the end we place our confidence where it has always been, in the God who orchestrates all things well and in His time. Sometimes it would be nice if God would allow our timing to also be His :) But we don't know the future and He does. So once again for now I have to sit back at my desk, seeking the illusive thoughts of upcoming events to be planned. Sitting here thinking, "maybe today will be the day and if not, maybe tomorrow."