I have been reading a series of fiction books by Karen Hancock called "The Guardian King". They are Christian allegory and fantasy, on the order of "Narnia" or "Lord of the Rings". In this series the second book is called "The Shadow Within". It is a very interesting thought. One that I want to connect to our lives as Chrisitans and to Adoption.
When we accept Christ, His light lives with in us. No longer are we viewed by God as sinful, rather He sees Christ's light in our heart. In the book those that accept God receive a golden shield above their hearts. As the story unfolds you quickly realize that those who wear the shield must still fight the shadow within. This is not some overt demonic attack from the outside, but rather an inner struggle that we have with ourselves. We all deal with it.
It's like this, one day you're working in your office and receive a phone call that makes your heart drop. You have been interviewing for a better job. This call says that once again you have been passed over. The shadow within in us rises to say, "You did'nt get the job because you aren't good enough. There will always be someone better than you. You think because you serve God, He will really bless you. He knows how sinful you are and how often you fail Him. Why would He ever honor you for that?"
In that moment we have a choice. Either the shadow overwhelmes us and we begin our pitty party, or as in the book, we allow the light to rise and burn out the shadow. We realize once again that we are not worthy in and of ourselves and there may always be someone more qualified. But our worth, our value, and our success is not solely rooted in what we know of ourselves. Instead it is rooted in our knowledged of who our God is and what He is capable of.
This puts our lives in perspective. It is never me, it is always Him. It is not my ability or my talent. It is God working through my life. It is God taking my weakness and showing His strength. It is God looking at me and not seeing my failure and sinful desires, but seeing the very reflection of His Son.
Adoption is a process where the shadow rises within us often. There are days that we awake knowing that all will come out fine. There are other days when you know it will all fall a part. Most likely because of your own unworthyness to adopt. In those moments we look to the light of God in our hearts an our lives. We put away the thoughts that the shadow of our own doubt brings against us. We rest in the knowledge that He, the one that lives within us, is stronger than any shadow!
So whatever shadow you are dealing with. Know that God's light is more powerful. Focus on Him and rest in the knowledge that He does all things well in His perfect will and timing.